Many, many years ago the world was covered in darkness. There was not warmth, only a constant sense of damp coldness.
The sun did not hang high in the sky. There were no flames and there was no relief from the black ink that smothered the world.
The people of the Earth were miserable in the cold and darkness. They could not see and would lose their way. They would become hopelessly lost and most spent their lives alone, unable to find others and drenched in sadness.
The white raven could see better than most in the shadowy days and nights. Through the murkiness he flew day and night. He wailed from the sadness of the people he found alone.
But then one day, he found a old man who was never sad at all.
The raven watched him and longed to discover how this man managed to never be filled with despair.
After many days he saw the man quietly open a metal box in his hut. As the lid was raised, a warm blinding light leaked out. With a set of metal tongs the man pulled a yellow, glowing ball from the box and the hut was drenched in light. Colors the raven had never seen were suddenly alive. The hut was no longer cold but filled with warmth.
The old man laughed and smiled and played with the glowing ball.
“Now,” the old man said. “I will put you away my little sun for you are mine and I will not share you nor the joy you contain.”
The raven was clever and knew what to do.
He waited for the old man to turn his back. Then the raven flew into the hut, opened the box and pulled the sun out with his beak.
The old man screamed and threw rocks at the raven. The raven was brave. The raven stole the sun.
He flew from the hut and the light and the warmth spilled across the world.
Higher and higher he flew. The sun’s flames scorched his beautiful white feathers until they turned a somber shade of black.
Surely, the raven would die if he went any higher.
But he kept flying. He would not stop.
His wings gave out.
He released the sun.
He fell to the earth.
He was no more.
But the sun is still there.
A gift, stolen by the raven to light the world and rid it of its darkness and misery.
This a reminder that it is now peacock mating season.
The males are on the prowl and can be very aggressive. A full grown man, weakened by his charity MS150 bicycle ride from Houston to Austin, was recently violated by one of our feathered friends while his beer buddies looked on in horror.
Unfortunately, his attempts to discourage the mating proved unsuccessful.
Here are some tips:
Do NOT yell, scream or try to make yourself look larger. The bird will view you as a potential rival and go “prison bull” on you.
Do NOT fight the male peacock. A 50 pound peacock with mating intentions is stronger than a 200lb man. They have razor sharp heel spurs and will “jack you up” beyond belief.
Do NOT curl into the fetal attention and play dead. The peacock will view this as acceptance of his aggressive mating techniques. You will be ravaged in your own front yard.
Do NOT run away. The bird is faster and they can fly. They will think you are playing “hard to get” and this encourages them.
What defenses do work?
Pretend to be a tree
Carry a fire extinguisher
Try to be unattractive
Keep a well trained, yet vicious, dog with you at all times
Good luck and be safe!