Dear Abby: Finger Licking Good

harass 

DEAR ABBY: I know food is often described as “finger-lickin’ good,” but I’m appalled at the number of people who literally do this at restaurants.

Didn’t they ever learn to use a napkin? What’s next — licking each other’s fingers? Can you comment? — MANNERLY OUT WEST

Here are the finger licking rules:

When you are eating with your hands and it’s delicious you can totally lick your fingers clean in a polite manner.

If you are a girl on a date, you can lick your fingers in either a polite or seductive manner. 

If you are a guy on a date, you may only lick her fingers clean if she gives you “the signal” otherwise use a napkin.

A bunch of dudes eating? Napkins, shirts, pants, the wall… basically wipe your hands clean on anything but NEVER seductively lick your own fingers or your buddy’s fingers.

That’s the rules.


DEAR ABBY: I’ve had three different secretarial jobs over the last 10 years. At two of them something has happened, and I’m hoping you can help me deal with the situation.

While at my desk, I’ve had bosses who enter my office, come around to my side of the desk and stand very close to me.

It feels like an invasion of my personal space. I wouldn’t do that to them. Why do they feel they can do this to me?

Invaded in Texas

Are you licking your fingers in a seductive fashion?

Maybe you smell nice?

Maybe you smell awful and everyone is daring everyone else to go smell how awful your stench is?

Basically, you are the problem.

Write back if someone tries to grope you.


DEAR ABBY: I grew up the third of four children. Both my older brothers chose to go into engineering (the field my father is in).I rocked the boat and opted to go into education. All during college and after, my parents continued to tell me I had chosen the wrong career and would never have any money.

Ten years later, I’m still getting constant comments about my career choice and financial status. They make little jabs like, “… but we know you can’t afford it,” and, “Is this too expensive for you?” which echo at family gatherings to the point that neither my husband nor I want to be there. 

How can I get my family to stop these comments? They’re hurtful. — EDUCATOR IN THE MIDWEST

 Your parents are trying to shame you.

And, well, they should.

You are an embarrassing, poverty ridden mess and it’s all your fault.

You should have thought of this humiliating future BEFORE you decided to be poor but happy.

 

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Dear Abby: I enjoy watching softball porn


DEAR ABBY: I am in a happy relationship with a wonderful man. Our life is great together and I wouldn’t want it any other way. I have one issue, however.

I like to look at lesbian porn maybe a few times a week. I don’t actually want to be with another woman — it’s just a fantasy of mine. Is this wrong? Should I tell my boyfriend?

I don’t know if I’m making too much out of this, or if there are other women out there who are in the same situation.

CURIOUS IN TEXAS

 

 So, let’s set up some rules on porn watching:

1) Always watch the porn by yourself

2) Never tell anyone you are committed to what sort of freaky shit you dig

3) Girls can watch any porn they want. Straight boys? You can’t watch anything that involves two guys touching each other in any possible way.

Should a girl tell her fella that she likes hard core girl-on-girl, full comtact softball porn?

Only if you want to be badgered into performing such acts in real life. 

Why?

Because every guy’s fantasy goes something like this:

“Betty and her BFF are both so damn horny thinking about Betty’s boyfriend that they simply had to trib each other to death”

So what’s my advice? Shut up and don’t share shit with him but send me the links to what you are watching.