31 Flavors

And here comes a rant that has been running through my head all night…

I am soooo sick of people telling me what I should want and how I should feel about relationships etc as I’m exiting this marraige.

It’s like I haven’t been to Baskin Robbins in 15 years.

I’m standing there in front of the 31 flavors.

I see the rainbow sherbert.



I fucking love rainbow sherbert!

I always have.

The orange and pineapple and raspberry and the way they are perfectly swirled together…

“I’ll take one large, no, make that two large scoops of rainbow sherbert, please.”

Then the store goes quiet and some guy says:

“Try the rocky road first.”

“But I don’t like rocky road, at all,” I reply.

Pretty soon everyone in the store is trying to make me order what they had.

They are telling me that:

My taste buds have probably changed.

The flavors are different these days.

Get the healthier option.

No! Indulge yourself.

They tell me that if haven’t been given a choice in icecream for 15 years then how could I ever know what I like?

“You aren’t ready to order! I’ve been here every week for seven years and I still don’t know what to order!” one woman pleads before bursting in tears and fleeing the store.

Another lady rises to her feet. She has a bitter look on her face.

“A guy like you brought me here once,” she says. “He swore he was ready for the peanut butter cup. Fucking asshole didn’t even finish his icecream. Now? I only come here alone because of men like you.”

Shit, then the girl behind the counter is forcing samples on me. She’s handing me one little pink spoon after another.

Finally I fucking lose it.




The girl scooping the ice cream just stares at me.

“I once listened to people like you. I walked out with a gallon of strawberry cream. Guess what? Turns out I’m allergic to strawberries. The shit almost killed me. I’ve been driving past here every day for 15 years. I know what I want. I know what I like.”

Dead silence.

A man, shaking his head, quietly says “Maybe he needs an iced coffee…”

“Fuck this place,” I mumble as I leave and vow to NEVER go back.

14 Songs and Love

I forget where, when or from whom I heard this but I clearly remember the actual words:

“Love is just brushing your teeth together.”

And when you are young and dumb and full of so many misconceptions about the world, those words are confusing.

You think stupid thoughts when you’re young.

You think “love” is built around a gorgeous look or a wild breathless excitement or this impossible Walt Disney inspired fairy tale.

And if you stay stupid, lists get made about what “true love” will be…

The right income.

The right car.

The right breast size.

The right height.

The right voting record.

But love is not like that at all.

Life is just more complicated than the young and foolish ever realize.

Houses flood.

People test positive.

Careers stall.

Interests change.

Opinions shift.

But love?

That shit is golden.

It sits by the side of the hospital bed with you. It pulls the disgusting wads of refuse from your flooded house. It encourages you when you are in doubt. It calms you when you are anxious. It knows when to say “yes” and it can accept hearing “no” as well.

And, yes, true love is standing there next to you in front of the bathroom mirror and happily brushing it’s teeth with you because you are there and that is all that really matters.

So when does “love” come around?

Shit, you never know. Miracles like love occur in the strangest of places and at bizarre moments in time.

When it arrives, you’ll know it.

It’s that same great jazz riff that Joshua played to knock down the walls of Jericho.

But while you wait for the music to play…

Rock out to these sweet tunes.

Mix Tape Central:

Dreams Never End – New Order

Favorite Thing – The Replacements

You Only Live Once – The Strokes

Don’t Change – INXS

She Said, She Said — The Beatles

Dirty Water – The Standells

Close to Me – The Cure

Aberdeen – Cage the Elephant

King of the Rodeo – Kings of Leon

Lucky Man – Verve

The Last Time – The Rolling Stones

Girlfriend – Matthew Sweet

Hard to Live in the City – Albert Hammond Jr

There is a Light that Never Go Out – The Smiths