Category Archives: Bad Advice

Dear Abby: Lazy Slob Is Feeling Lonely

garden

Dear Abby: I am a 31-year-old wife and stay-at-home mother. My husband, “Jake,” works 40-plus hours a week. My daughter, 2, keeps me on my toes. In the evenings and on weekends, Jake does yard work. I hate it because I’m with our daughter all day, every day, and he expects me to watch her while he’s outside. I dislike yard work and don’t like being outside unless I am completely comfortable. I also have health issues that keep me from being as active as I would like. I feel my resentment and anger growing over this issue. Jake says it is necessary for us to have a garden. But why must I have all the responsibility of caring for our daughter? I’d like it if Jake would give up on some of the outside activities. What do you suggest?

– Second to a Shrub in Oregon

 

Lazlo says:

Okay, I’m focusing on these two lines: “I dislike yard work and don’t like being outside unless I am completely comfortable. I also have health issues that keep me from being as active as I would like.”

These tell me everything I need to know. Your are super fat and he can’t stand looking at you. Try weight watchers, tubby.

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I am the Zodiac Thriller

Okay, so a lot of people kind of sort of know what their Zodiac sign is and what it’s supposed to mean. However, thanks that whole “no prayer in school” caca a lot of you are probably super confused and there is a lot of misinformation floating around that you are picking up and following.

Ultimately, you’re going to be living a totally miserable life due to your own ignorance so let me help give you some guidance.

 

Aries (March 21 to April 19) — You are basically a dick. Most people don’t like you.

Taurus (April 20 to May 20) – You are a great friend because you have no back bone. Seriously, you are a total people pleaser.

Gemini (May 21 to June 20) – You are a free spirit but not in the dumb ass hippie sort of way. People adore you. Rumor has it you get your kink on.

Cancer (June 21 to July 22) – You are kind of a head case. You latch on too fast and have some self-esteem issues. But they say are you rock out the bedroom.

Leo (July 23 to August 22) – You are fairly confident and a little self-absorbed and not very adventuresome. Cool name, lame game.

Virgo (August 23 to September 22) – You are logical and smart which might seem sort of “cold” to others (especially dumb people).

Libra (September 23 to October 22) – I hate saying this but “lazy” and “unreliable” come up at lot. You also get called “vain” and “superficial” but then again you are fairly peaceful and diplomatic so at least you have some manners.

Scorpio (October 23 to November 21) – You are a little standoffish and independent. You also carry about 50 babies on your back and have been known to hide in people’s shoes.

Sagitarrius (November 22 to December 21) – You are pretty damn normal. Almost too normal. What’s up with that?

Capricorn (December 22 to January 19) – We all know you are a thug at heart which makes you a great crime boss or the dictator of some 3rd world crap hole.

Aquarius (January 20 to February 18) – So you are funny, smart  and little rebellious. Even your bad qualities look pretty good to me. You got a good imagination and you’re great in bed.

Pisces (February 19 to March 20) – On the upside you are compassionate and devoted. On the downside you are hyper sensitive. You can get crazy during sexy time.

 

If you don’t believe me, just read this nut job site:

http://zodiac-signs-astrology.com/

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