So I solved Jessie’s full voice mail problem.

Jessie and Theo got into huge fight. From what I understand, they fight all the time. They fight over the TV. They fight over his online gaming. They fight over the filth they live in.

Theo, however, is not much of a fighter. This only makes Jessie more enraged.

When she runs out of things to fight over, she’ll just back track and restart a fight that ended a few days ago.

Apparently the day before I met Theo, Jessie had gone off the handle regarding the laundry. She didn’t like the way Theo put a pair of her jeans on the hanger. This led to her dragging him to her closet and a stern lecture over how he needs to keep her clothes and shoes more organized.

Theo has no space in the closet. His clothes are divided between one drawer in the bedroom and a file cabinet in the garage.

Crazy people live by crazy rules, right?

Eventually, Theo said something like, “Fuck you, this is my house.”

Jessie exploded, knocked Theo to the floor and then bashed her cell phone into his forehead.

Theo told me the whole thing while giving me a tour of World of Warcraft.

The kicker is this, he said he came out on top in the battle with Jessie because later she let him watch her take a shower as an apology. He wasn’t allowed in the shower, mind you. He simply got to look at her through the glass door, which is practically opaque due to the heavy soap scum build up.

Winning is all just a state of mind, right?

Any way, I got Byrd Services to send me some money so I could buy Jessie a new phone. Of course her credit is shot to hell and she couldn’t get a phone plan on her own. I bit the bullet and added her to my phone plan. The bill is going to Mr. Byrd’s secretary, Cyndi.

The best part? Cyndi is going to make sure Byrd Services pays for both phone plans.

I like free. Free is good.

The worst part? Jessie declaring “I’m calling you all the time”.