Half a Glass


They say there are two types of people in the world:

Those that see the glass half empty and then those that see the glass as half full.

But this isn’t really accurate.

You see, these things actually fall along a spectrum.

Some will see the half glass of water and instantly say:

What the fuck? Where is the rest of my water? Who fucking drank my shit? Who ripped me off?

Then they will blame the nearest person for what they believe to be an additional half glass of water that is owed to them.

They will yell and scream and pick up that glass and throw it against the wall. 

The shards of glass on the floor and the water stained wall and puddle on the tile? That’s not their fault. It is the fault of who ever was handing out water and noe it is also their fault that they are dieing of thirst.

That’s one end of the spectrum and it’s a miserable way to be.

On the other end, some people are overjoyed by having half a glass of water. Hell, they remember all the times they had no water and we’re aching to slake their thirst.

They lift the glass of water into the air and sing praises to the water. And while they are thirsty, they carefully cover the glass and save it and wait until they “really need it” and maybe it will rain and they can take the glass outside and the heavens will bless them further by making the glass over flow…

Aren’t they lucky? 

Well, no, they are also thirsty and are too stupid to simply enjoy what they have. They save it out of fear of never seeing water again.

Opposite ends of the spectrum.

Equally thirsty.

Suffering in their own self-induced way.

The better way to be?

We’ve got half a glass of water. Let’s share it. You take a sip. I’ll take a sip. It will be nice. This is what water is for. It’s here to drink. We can find more when we need it. Let’s just enjoy it, together. 

All of us.

Jessie Gets a New Phone


So I solved Jessie’s full voice mail problem.

Jessie and Theo got into huge fight. From what I understand, they fight all the time. They fight over the TV. They fight over his online gaming. They fight over the filth they live in.

Theo, however, is not much of a fighter. This only makes Jessie more enraged.

When she runs out of things to fight over, she’ll just back track and restart a fight that ended a few days ago.

Apparently the day before I met Theo, Jessie had gone off the handle regarding the laundry. She didn’t like the way Theo put a pair of her jeans on the hanger. This led to her dragging him to her closet and a stern lecture over how he needs to keep her clothes and shoes more organized.

Theo has no space in the closet. His clothes are divided between one drawer in the bedroom and a file cabinet in the garage.

Crazy people live by crazy rules, right?

Eventually, Theo said something like, “Fuck you, this is my house.”

Jessie exploded, knocked Theo to the floor and then bashed her cell phone into his forehead.

Theo told me the whole thing while giving me a tour of World of Warcraft.

The kicker is this, he said he came out on top in the battle with Jessie because later she let him watch her take a shower as an apology. He wasn’t allowed in the shower, mind you. He simply got to look at her through the glass door, which is practically opaque due to the heavy soap scum build up.

Winning is all just a state of mind, right?

Any way, I got Byrd Services to send me some money so I could buy Jessie a new phone. Of course her credit is shot to hell and she couldn’t get a phone plan on her own. I bit the bullet and added her to my phone plan. The bill is going to Mr. Byrd’s secretary, Cyndi.

The best part? Cyndi is going to make sure Byrd Services pays for both phone plans.

I like free. Free is good.

The worst part? Jessie declaring “I’m calling you all the time”.