42

  
In the Douglas Adams classic “The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy” (which everyone should read when they are in their early teens and full of angst and sarcasm) he tells us three very important things: 

Don’t Panic 

Always bring a towel 

And of course… 

A computer named “Deep Thought” was constructed and toiled for 7.5 million years to compute and cross check “the answer to the ultimate question of life, the universe and everything.” 

The answer turns out to be “42” 

The operators were confused and Deep Thought explains that the answer is incomprehensible because the operators do not know what question they were really asking. The solution was to create an even larger computer called “Earth” which will run a 10 million year program to find the question to the answer 42. The earth was minutes away from producing the answer when it was destroyed in a case of intergalactic eminent domain in order to create a space travel super highway. 

Oh well. 

So what is “42” the answer to anyway? Let’s see… 

What is the angle that light needs to reflect off of water to create a rainbow? 

42 degrees

There are two physical constants in the universe and these are the speed of light and the diameter of a proton. How long does it take light to cross the diameter of a proton? 

10 the minus 42ndpower seconds.

How many gallons in a barrel of oil?

42 

For how many months is the beast in Revelations supposed to hold dominion over the world? 

42 

What was Jackie Robinson’s jersey number, the only number retired by all major league teams? 

42

How many territories in the classic boardgame Risk? 

42

At what age did Theodore Roosevelt become President of the United States and begin developing us into the greatest nation ever? 

42

And then, finally, what is my age as of today? 

42 

Those of you who are old enough and lucky enough to have been living in the Chicago-land-area on that day in 1974 will remember it as the day WGN began transmitting from the Sear Tower. My mother said she was in the delivery room, the station announced the change in transmitting towers, the TV stopped being fuzzy and out came me.

This former 5 pound, 8 ounce baby boy will be very busy today as I totally expect to find the answer to the ultimate question today. Making fuzzy pictures clearer seems to be my destiny from birth.

  

I gotta get going now…

  

So long and thanks for all the fish!

Cook These Beer Nuts

 
My nuts are amazing.
My nuts taste so good.
I know you want to put my nuts in my mouth.
Sure, making your own beer nuts gives you the best excuse ever to make sophomoric jokes.
But there is a much better reason:
These nuts are salty, sweet and pack a pinch of heat. This is important because hot foods make people drink more and more beer. 
That’s right, these beer nuts are designed to get your lady tipsy so you can bang her and your man wasted so he passes out and you can be left alone.
Also, despite what you might think, I am interested in helping you look classy, so go ahead and splurge on cashews and almonds instead of white trash peanuts.

The Beer Nuts
First off, go ahead and preheat your oven to 350 degrees. I’m thinking this is celcius but I don’t really know.

 You need to get together:

4 cups of nuts (try to get unsalted)
Coating:

1 teaspoon salt

1 teaspoon cumin 

1 teaspoon chile powder

1 teaspoonpaprika

1 teaspoon cayenne

½ cup sugar

1 tablespoon butter

¼ cup water

Melt and cook the sugar and butter and water and spices to make your coating. This should just require a few 20 second blasts in your microwave. I hope to God you picked a large microwave safe bowl for this.

 Stir that shit around and then toss your nuts into it and stir it some more.

Get out a baking sheet and line it with aluminum foil so you don’t totally fuck up your pan.

Spread the nuts out in a single layer. Now bake that shit for 10 to 12 minutes.

While it’s baking, wash and dry your damn bowl because you will need it.

When the time is right, take your nuts out of the oven and CAREFULLY get them off of the aluminum and back in your clean bowl. Seriously, be fucking careful because that shit you just baked will burn your fucking arm off.

Stir you nuts around.

Wait 2 minutes.

Stir them again.

Wait 2 minutes.

Stir them again.

Get the point? You don’t want them sticking together while they cool off. If they do…

Well, you are a dumbass and will have to break them apart with hands.

That’s right, either stir or be prepared to get my nuts all over your hands.

Now you are done. Go forth and impress some people.