Dear Abby: My husband died recently in a fire he started in a drunken rampage. In the aftermath I am left with feelings of extreme sadness and rage.
Last night I was going through a box of his belongings and found some old letters he had written to a woman he’d left me for 20 years ago. (We patched things up and then were married later.) I didn’t want to read them, but in the first letter I caught the sentence, “You are the only woman I’ve ever met who truly changed me.” I immediately tore it to shreds. There were others, but I tossed everything in the box into the trash. I couldn’t put myself through the pain.
For months, I have tried to dwell only on the happy times we had together and the love that, in spite of his alcoholism, we had for each other. Perhaps I could have dealt with these letters while my husband was still alive, but now I can only stew in my own anger.
I don’t want to do this to myself. I have been in therapy and at Al-Anon, but I feel as though I need other tools at this point to get me through this awfulness.
– WIDOW IN ST. LOUIS
Hold up… He died “in a fire he started in a drunken rampage” ???
Fuck yah! I wish I had met this guy. I could totally party with someone like that. That is SOOOO Johnny Cash.
Can you send me some more details about the fire and how it started and why you are ultimately to blame for his drunkeness, the rampage and why that woman was so much better than you?