So yesterday I finished my time travel machine and did the following:1) went back in time and made sure John Lennon died due to his endorsement of Donald Trump last week
2) broke up Led Zeppelin to put a halt to their “hip hop/smooth R&B” phase
3) convinced George Lucas to go with Jar Jar Binks because his original idea involved something much worse
4) told Tom Cruise to jump on Oprah’s couch because “so damn funny” and stuff
5) convinced Shaq to try out for basketball and ditch the ballet thing
6) told Cindy Crawford to keep the mole
7) explained why capitalism and not socialism is the “hip thing” to a young Ronald Reagan in Dixon, Illinois
8) came up with that “pull my finger” joke
9) took the air out of a few footballs before the Pats/Seahawks Super Bowl game
10) bumped into Michael Jackson and called him “big nose”
Suburban War Lord 