I’m always right unless the she says otherwise and then I’m horribly wrong and I’m heading to a buddy’s house
All beer is served cold
It’s rude not to finish an open bottle of wine
All meals feature a dead animal unless the meal is “chips, salsa and beer”
Boys pee behind the garage and girls can too but only if they are super bad ass
Manic episodes are encouraged while pouting is frowned upon
If you vote for a Democrat you will do the right thing and lie about who you voted for
We love Jesus and Jesus knows we are a disruption at church and so he prefers us at the tennis courts on Sunday mornings
Children belong outside or locked in the attic
All dogs are good dogs except the neighbor’s dog who never shuts the fuck up
All cats are whores but we like them too
Oil = good
Hippies = real bad
Throwing away all garbage into a landfill is also a form of recycling. So is burning it.
All food is organic. Some of it was just made better thanks to science.