Half a Glass

They say there are two types of people in the world:

Those that see the glass half empty and then those that see the glass as half full.

But this isn’t really accurate.

You see, these things actually fall along a spectrum.

Some will see the half glass of water and instantly say:

What the fuck? Where is the rest of my water? Who fucking drank my shit? Who ripped me off?

Then they will blame the nearest person for what they believe to be an additional half glass of water that is owed to them.

They will yell and scream and pick up that glass and throw it against the wall. 

The shards of glass on the floor and the water stained wall and puddle on the tile? That’s not their fault. It is the fault of who ever was handing out water and noe it is also their fault that they are dieing of thirst.

That’s one end of the spectrum and it’s a miserable way to be.

On the other end, some people are overjoyed by having half a glass of water. Hell, they remember all the times they had no water and we’re aching to slake their thirst.

They lift the glass of water into the air and sing praises to the water. And while they are thirsty, they carefully cover the glass and save it and wait until they “really need it” and maybe it will rain and they can take the glass outside and the heavens will bless them further by making the glass over flow…

Aren’t they lucky? 

Well, no, they are also thirsty and are too stupid to simply enjoy what they have. They save it out of fear of never seeing water again.

Opposite ends of the spectrum.

Equally thirsty.

Suffering in their own self-induced way.

The better way to be?

We’ve got half a glass of water. Let’s share it. You take a sip. I’ll take a sip. It will be nice. This is what water is for. It’s here to drink. We can find more when we need it. Let’s just enjoy it, together. 

All of us.

Disrespect: the Great American Way

A lot of people are saying I should respect Trump because he’s the president elect now.

But let’s be clear:

Disrespecting the establishment and authority is what makes this country kick ass. Hell, if we were a naturally respectful lot we’d be British and sipping tea like a bunch of pansies.

So let me ask you something…

Did Ditka respect the 1984 New England Patriots?

Did Bandit respect Sheriff Buford T Justice?

Did Michael Jordan respect gravity?

Did Chuck Yeager respect the speed of sound?

Did Delta House respect Dean Wormer?

Did John Browning respect the six shot revolver?

Did Jim Morrison respect The Ed Sullivan Show?

Did Evel Knievel respect Snake Canyon?

Did Rick James respect Eddie Murphy’s couch?

Did Forrest Gump respect how stupid he was?
Come on, you know me and I only respect a handful of things…

My parents

Girls who can shotgun beers


A wicked kick serve

And the spread offense