Theo finds God, Jessie finds Extortion

There’s been a lot of shit going on at the house so let me update you quickly…

Jessie, who I’m being paid to usher through college, made it through another semester. I was positive she was going to fail business calculus (I told her not to take it) but she found a way.

Her “way” being blowing her very married professor. I know what you are thinking, “having sex with your college professor is not a good thing to do.”

But she didn’t just suck his dick for a “C” at end of the semester. She filmed herself sucking his dick, dressed as a girl scout, calling him “daddy” and then black mailed him into an “A” in under a week.

I was so proud of her.

Theo is off the whole Native American kick. He’s now trying to start his own religion “Rasta Catholicism.” This means instead of dumbass stoner comments about the Earth Mother and white bisons he’s trying to perform some sort of exorcism on the house cause it’s obviously filled with demons.

I thought it was fad but when he changed his World of Warcraft character from a barbarian to a cleric I knew this latest bit of retardation would be around for awhile.

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Dear Abby: Lazy Slob Is Feeling Lonely

garden

Dear Abby: I am a 31-year-old wife and stay-at-home mother. My husband, “Jake,” works 40-plus hours a week. My daughter, 2, keeps me on my toes. In the evenings and on weekends, Jake does yard work. I hate it because I’m with our daughter all day, every day, and he expects me to watch her while he’s outside. I dislike yard work and don’t like being outside unless I am completely comfortable. I also have health issues that keep me from being as active as I would like. I feel my resentment and anger growing over this issue. Jake says it is necessary for us to have a garden. But why must I have all the responsibility of caring for our daughter? I’d like it if Jake would give up on some of the outside activities. What do you suggest?

– Second to a Shrub in Oregon

 

Lazlo says:

Okay, I’m focusing on these two lines: “I dislike yard work and don’t like being outside unless I am completely comfortable. I also have health issues that keep me from being as active as I would like.”

These tell me everything I need to know. Your are super fat and he can’t stand looking at you. Try weight watchers, tubby.

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